Wednesday, December 23, 2009


So I have this obsession about a new song I heard. I can't stop listening to it. This song was written by Chris Brown. He wrote it to his girlfriend, Rihanna. He hurt her and was band from seeing her. This song pours out his heart towards her. It seriously melts my heart every time I hear it. Here are the lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Everybody see's it's you
I'm the one that lost the view
Everybody says we're through
I hope you haven't said it too

So where
Do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes
And where
Can love take us now
We've been so far down
We can still touch the sky

If we crawl
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So lets crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, Yeah
Back to love, Yeah

[Verse 2]
Why did I change the pace
Hearts were never meant to race
I always felt the need for space
But now I can't reach your face
So where
Are you standing now
Are you in the crowd of my faults
Love, can you see my hand?
I need one more chance
We can still have it all

If we crawl(if we crawl)
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run (then we'll run)
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So lets crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, Yeah
Back to love, yeaaah

Everybody see's it's you
Well I never wanna lose that view

So we'll crawl (if we crawl)
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So lets crawl, crawl, crawl

So we'll crawl (ooh)
Till we can walk again (till we can walk again)
Then we'll run (we'll run)
Until we're strong enough to jump (until we're strong enough to jump)
Then we'll fly (then we'll fly)
Until there is no end
So let's crawl, let's crawl, lets crawl
Back to love
Back to love yeah
Back to love

If you want to listen to it go here:

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I will miss her...

Thanksgiving has been very eventful with mixed feelings of sadness and happiness. We did the regular traditions on Thanksgiving Day. However, the day after took an unexpected turn. We got up at 4 am to do the early bird specials. It was exciting and very thrilling. You wouldn’t believe how greedy people can be. Ashley got pushed into shelf and her arm has been swollen for days! It’s just all about mapping out where you go and what you’re getting. It has to have a strategy behind it. Well about this time I found out one of my friends lied to me and I got really disappointed in her. An hour after I found that out my mom got a phone call. She immediately got silent and walked away from the chaotic store. I followed her and after realizing it was a death I started questioning who it was. We both were trying to hold back the tears the only difference was she knew who it was and I didn’t. That was a very scary feeling. She hung up the phone and said, “Ma-Maw, it was Ma-Maw.”

Ma-Maw was my great grandma. She lived a long, hard 89 years. But somehow with all her struggles she went through she always had love in her heart. She never wanted anyone to go through any pain, experience half the things she did, or lose as many people as she has lost. About 10 years ago she lost her beloved husband, Pa-Paw. He lived a very long fight with his medical problems. God put him to ease by allowing no more pain and taking Pa-Paw to live with him. Both Pa-Paw and Ma-Maw were very strong Christians. All six of their kids were grown up in a very loving home.

After we got the shocking news we planned how we were going to attend the funeral. The funeral was on the borderline of Mississippi and Alabama. Which was 4 hours from where we were, Tallahassee. My mom had to fly to California on Sunday so if my dad took us my mom had to find some way to get home. My aunt and uncle left a day early to take my mom back to Greenville. From there she rented a car and drove to Charlotte. My dad, 2 sisters, and I all drove all over the place on Saturday getting the appropriate attire for the funeral. We drove from Florida to Georgia to get a tux from my uncle for my dad to borrow. Then back to Florida to stay the night at my grandparent’s farmhouse. Sunday morning we drove to Mississippi for the funeral. I met family I have never even heard of. The funeral was hard and I cried like a baby. But settled with the fact that she is in a way better place and dancing with her husband whom she hasn’t seen in 10 years!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Ahh! Holidays! I just love them. They make me so cheerful and happy. Seeing people I usually don't see, eating TONS of food, going to see family, and simply just being out of school. I just am always in a holiday mood. One of my pet peeves is when people celebrate a holiday before the other ends. For example putting christmas decorations up before thanksgiving.
My family has many traditions we do for each holiday. Thanksgiving we always go to Florida to visit my moms side of the family. We are like one big, Italian family. We are LOUD, eat tons, and laugh uncontrollably. It is always loads of fun. On Thanksgiving we go to my grandmas second house. It sits on hundreds of acres. They have four wheelers, dirt bikes, golf carts, etc. We just race all throughout the trails. It never gets old.
This year I went earlier than my family. They all come Wednesday and I came Sunday! I flew in and did a layover all by myself... oh i am so proud! :) I was nervous but just asked some random non creepy people and it was all good. From the time I stepped off the plane till now I have been going non stop having fun! We went to see New Moon (ahhh! best ever), went shopping (tons of new adorable clothes), manicures, and eating out! It has been a blast. So worth my horrid plane rides. Tonight we picked my aunt up from the airport. She was flying in from college. Yes, I have an aunt thats only four years older than me. Weird... I know. She is already gone off with friends. I am now watching movies with my nonnie and enjoying every bit of it! :)
Like I said, Holidays are the best!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

My assumption, His answer

Last weekend was amazing! Sorry I am a little late to tell about it. I was re awakened with Gods truth, I sewed a friendship back together, I hung out with people I would of never seen myself with, and I didn't have a lot of homework (always a plus).
I always assume things which I need to stop doing. I assumed me and her would never talk; we hung out last weekend. I assumed he wouldn't want to hang out with me; we hung out a whole day last weekend. I assumed God would just give up on me; he never has and never will.
Assumptions usually only set me up for failure. I tell myself something so many times I start to believe it even though its not true. I have gotten in so many arguments with the result being, "oh, i just assumed you..." That assumption caused an argument that wouldn't of been there if I didn't let Satan into my head and create it. My prayer for today is that God will open my eyes and show me the difference between my assumption and His answer.
Have a wonderful weekend y'all! :)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Long, Dark Tunnel

She moves in three months. What did I do wrong God for this to be happening? She is my other half. I need her to be within reach. Reach in three months will be hours away! I know, God, you don't tell us your daily plan for our life's but right about now it would be good to know. Is there anything your doing to protect me from? Honestly, I can't see the purpose of this tragedy. My heart aches. Three months is a second once it passes. It will creep up and shock us all. But you. But you know everything now, than, and then. You have a plan. Help me trust you. Help me see the light out of this LONG, dark tunnel. And God, shine your light through me.

Monday, October 19, 2009


So I feel like all my post lately have been kinda down and not funny. School has taken over my life and flipped it. I have learned so much about procrastination you won't believe it. I could honestly do a report on it! I have made some pretty awesome friends. Would you like to know something things about them? Aw good cause I am sharing!
1. She likes to help people out. She loves the railroad (strange huh?). She is African. Her name is (drumroll....) HARRIET TUBMAN! 2. He was a president (friends with the president.... weird). He hated slavery (good me too!). His name is.... ABRAHAM LINCOLN!
So you liking my new friends so far? I have learned about everything a good friend should know. I even did a project on my girl Harriet. Props to my hilarious rap! Go check it out,
Guys you will die laughing! HILARIOUS!
So there you have it. A glimpse in my life these days! Maybe Harriet will do a shout-out some day to me... you think? :)

Friday, October 16, 2009

He is always there!

Yesterday I got onto facebook (big surprise! haha) and I noticed something that was written on one of my friends walls. This person usually doesn't get anything written on her wall so I was curious. I read it and started getting jealous. The post was telling that girl how much she is loved and appreciated. I was not jealous of who was telling that girl but that she got a post like that. I wished right then and there I would hear those words towards me. I asked God why I never hear any of my friends telling me those kinds of words. I refreshed my page and I saw I had an email. I read it and wept. Everything I had been longing for, I got. This girl told me I was loved, appreciated, and much more. God has been really looking out for me lately and I am so thankful. He is always there! You just have to put your faith in Him!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Extending All That I Have

We got into a fight, again. Will there ever be peace? Will you understand my side. Why don't I want to understand your side. Maybe I feel I'm the only one right.
Please don't let that hurt our friendship. We've been strong for long. Now this comes up. One bad decision can ruin many good ones.
Go and have fun with her. Remember me though. I lied, I did want to go. I was hiding all the burt behind lies. Why? I don't have an answer. Human nature maybe? Or is that a lame excuse?
Memories like these will fade if we let go. Good memories will last if we hold on. Hold on. I'm extending all that I have. Hold on.

Friday, October 2, 2009


I have a feeling that I can't explain. I am half happy and half nervous! The nerves are taking over right about now. Today at 4:00pm thousands of people will tune in to watch Oprah expecting a great show. My family is going to be part of the show today. The news has spread and people we know are watching. I am praying the show will make an impact. When we taped last spring I felt good about it. But theres such a thing called editing! I pray that they don't take out the parts where we talk about God, or leave in parts that should have been taken out. Overall, I pray that it will be a great show and people see the love of God shinning through us.

(me and my mom at the tapping of the show!)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

my wish

My wish never came true
The two ones flashed up
I crossed my finger tight
"Ready, set, WISH"
I yelled in the gut of my soul
Didn't happen
Why is she getting my wish?
Tip toe down
Layers of new wishes now
My wish

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Ashleigh's birthday weekend! :)

So I couldn't think of anything inspirational to write about, so I will write about my weekend! Thursday Jo spent the night! We went to see Jarami at carvel, we ate ethiopian food, we watched movies, and caught up on a tv show we love! Friday I had a college prep meeting to go to. Then Kenzie came we dressed up and went to pick up Ashleigh! It was her birthday Saturday so we went to Japanese Steak House and the mall on Friday night. They both spent the night at my house. We danced the night away! :) We woke up early to get breakfast at chick-fil-a and go see the movie, "Fame"! Saturday night my dad took me, Brooke, and Mark all out to brixx!
Today I went to church and now just relaxing and doing some homework.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Dear ______,
I have always wanted to write this note to you. It's hard to not even know your name, or where you are, or even if your out there! I do know one thing, we will meet one day. That day will come and go like any other day but you will stay. You will never leave me in the good times or bad, and sickness or health. Hand in hand is where we will always be. I see bonds destroyed between man and women like nothing ever happened. Our bond will stay firm.
I wonder what you look like. You better look good! Please come join me soon to finish off our life long journey. How long will we be together?
I want a big family. You better like kids. Adoption has always been on my heart. Biological kids too. Be like my dad, never for a second make them wonder if you love them. Please come soon.
Have you even thought about me? I think of you daily. The mystery of what your doing has always come to my mind. Do you know how much your loved even not knowing me?
I hope you get this letter and remember to wait for me. Please don't waste your love on any other girl.
I love you.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Classification of High School!

Life to me is one big classification table! For example, school. I have classified school into the days of the week like this:

Freshmen year = Mondays!
Freshmen year is all new. Beginning high school. New building. My freshmen year was very hard academically like waking up on Monday mornings.

Sophomore year = Tuesday!
Sophomore year is a little review of freshmen year. You still have two more years of school just like at my school... two more days of school.

Junior year = Wednesday!
Even though I haven't been a junior I have heard stories. Junior year is so close to the end that its almost annoying. Like you still have one year after it. At my school we only go Monday through Thursday to school. So wednesday is the 2nd to last day of the week like Junior year in high school.

Senior year = Thursday!
I LOVE Thursdays! Its my easiest day and the last day of the week. Senior year will be hard to prepare for college. But if you get most of your classes done in previous years then you will have an easy Senior year!

That is my classification of high school!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Things I love!

I love many random things. They make each day easier and more enjoyable. Here are some of the things I love:
-Snuggling up with a blanket and sipping hot chocolate on a rainy, cold day.
-Thursdays at 2:20!
-The words of, "no homework"
-Seeing people you love
-Bubble baths
-Knowing my family is all safe
-School cancelled
-Walking the streets of Ethiopia
-Sleeping after a long day
-Having a good hair day
-A unexpected gift
-Sleeping in
-A Caribbean Way Smoothie
-Naps after school
-Finishing homework
-Holding babies
-Jackson coming home from college
-Midnight swims with Dexter
-Full pantry
-Going to Chick-fil-A
-Going to the movies
-The Naked drinks
-Japanese Steak House
-Playing in the rain
-Having people over for dinner

These are just a few of the things I love. I could go on and on! What are some of the things you love?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

God Hears!

Have you ever thought praying is a waste of time? I have been there! I didn't see a need in praying so I didn't. I didn't until my school all went on a mountain trip 3 years ago. We were supposed to go white water rafting one of the days. But there was a shortage of water because of no rain. They called us and basically said it was cancelled. All of us in denial prayed and prayed it would rain! We started praying around 9 pm and I am not kidding it rained right at 9 pm through the WHOLE night! The people called us back and said we could go!
I never really experienced anything like that before. I mean I would pray before dinner with my family. I was only praying because I had no choice. When I was alone and had the choice, I never prayed.
Since that day I have been praying openly with God. I tell him how I feel all throughout the day! Crazy things like the rain incident have been happening a lot since I started praying a lot.
I know it may be hard to pray for some people but I promise God hears and will not leave you hanging!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Labor Day weekend

My long labor day weekend is over. Today I was pulled out of my comfortable bed and was put into the busy halls of my high school. What a difference. It was a little body shock to wake up extremely early. So much so that right when I came home, I slept for 2 hours! It felt good!
Labor Day weekend is in honor of people that work. I consider myself working at school. I mean people do math for a living. So I am glad I just figured out I can celebrate another holiday for myself. In order to celebrate you have to have fun. Oh has this weekend been fun! I spent the night with Siara and Jo on Friday. That was a bast! Saturday I went to Ethan and Ashley's football game. No it is not coed, Ashley cheered! :) Sunday I went to church then out to eat with some friends. Monday I went to Matthews Alive with Kenzie and Ashleigh!
Yesterday my brother, Jackson, left for college. :( While it was very sad and emotional for Ashley and Brooke, I just wanted to say good-bye and get it over with. Don't get me wrong I love my brother and will miss him terribly! But, I don't like having emotional memories being the last memory. I don't want to think the last time being with him was an awful one. Therefore I kept it simple and tear free. I think I just hasn't hit yet. This weekend will be the first weekend without him. That will be when I shed a bucket or two of tears! ha.
I have lots of homework tonight so I better pull myself away from my blog and start.
Happy late Labor Day!!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

My Dad!

Big strong arms,
hold my frail arms,
Big brown eyes,
look into my blue eyes,
His kind heart,
reminds my heart,
how much he loves me...
My Dad!

My dad is amazing! I don't really know why I am writing about him, but I decided I should dedicate this post to him! Little does he know I am writing about him and all his little ways. Little ways... Oh my do I have some blackmail on this dude! I won't embarrass him too much. :) One of my favorite memories up to date of him, was on the way to school one morning. We were all pretty tired and not looking forward to a day of school. So my dad being the way he is turned on the song, "I like big butts and I can not lie!" He cranked up the music, rolled down the windows, and danced! I mean he flat out danced! Oh my gosh... Me and my sisters were dying laughing! He definitely woke us up that morning! I promise you I would randomly laugh that whole week thinking about it!
Oh dad, sometimes you embarrass me so much... but I still will always love you!

(next time you ground me.. remember this post :) ha jk!)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


When I say someone influences me I don't just mean when someone is nice to me or does anything for me. Sometimes the people that have an influence on my life, I really don't even know. Which comes to me as strange. I let that person change my life from tiny to maybe even huge and I don't even know them!

Like for instance this morning... My alarm went off. I had that feeling of, "seriously again?" I was annoyed and begged myself to go back to sleep. Honestly I am proud of myself for not! It was not easy! :)

I sat in my bed for 10 minutes just thinking. Sometimes when I think, my mind goes 100 mph! Like words just pop in and out. So that for 10 min was a little hectic. I put it to a halting stop and stepped out of bed. I then went to start my morning routine.

When I finished getting ready I checked my emails. I saw one from someone I don't usually get emails from. I clicked open and was shocked! My mouth dropped I even got a little teary eyed! Which doesn't happen often. As I kept reading this person told me to go to a link. Not knowing where that would lead me I put my trust in her and clicked on it. It lead me to a blog I have never seen. I read and read. Near the bottom I figured out some of this post was about me! I didn't even know this person. She had read my story about Africa and showed her daughter a video Jo had made of the trip. Her daughter was so inspired that she decided she wants to go on a missions trip! I couldn't believe it. Someone I didn't know, I touched. That little girl influenced me to keep pursuing missions and the love I have of Africa. I think sometimes in this busy, always on the go country I forget what life is really about. So that post this morning really helped me remember its not about making an 'A' on a test or making the most friends. Its about spreading the love of Christ to everyone!
So thanks Alivia! :)

Monday, August 31, 2009

First day of school!

Last night was the best last summer night ever! I hung out with Dexter, Kenzie, and Jackson! Ahh.. It was so fun! We went shopping and out to dinner. :)

Today was the first day of school! The first day is always intimidating! I mean you have to make new friends, you get new teachers, new text books... everything new! New is not always good. As much as I love fresh starts sometimes I miss the past endings. Like, not all my friends came back. One thing I was excited about was Carrie coming back! I thought for sure she wasn't coming back. But I do love surprises! :) I LOVE some of my teachers this year! They are all young and hip! :)
This year I think I am going to like History and Science! Both are very interesting and lots of information! I hope my homework load does chill a little. Getting lots the first night is not a good sign... but I am sure it will shred once we get in the hang of things.
Well I need to go get started on my homework! I hope my attitude today stays all year about school!

Saturday, August 29, 2009


I am going to warn you this is not going to be a post where you laugh so hard you pee in your pants or a little giggle. No ma'am this is a post about my life right now. I just want to be completely honest and tell it like it is. So since I have been back from the beach I have been pressured a lot lately.
Pressured to look great.
Pressured to be friendly.
Pressured to act like I care.
Pressured to have a first kiss.
So many more I could come up with. But in order not to bore you half to death I'll just keep it to those four. Some girls in my life right now are making me feel like I am not good enough. They make me feel like I am the one at fault and always wrong. Even when I know the truth my thoughts bring me down. I hate that. I just want to be completely confident in who I am. Tonight I went out to dinner with Carrie. We then met up with some friends. I had a blast with Carrie we laughed so hard about stupid things! It was great. Well when it was time to meet up with the others. I mean I am going to be honest I kind of just wanted to run. Like they are so over powering sometimes and so judgmental I just want to scream. I hate that I can tell what and when they are talking about us behind my back.
I also found out one of my friends was lying to me. As much as I keep telling myself its stupid to get upset about... I am upset. And I can't hide it forever.
Tonight was just a breaking point. Like all this pressure has been building up and I feel overwhelmed. Like I am trapped and no way to get out. Tomorrow will be a better day.. I know in my heart that tomorrow WILL be a better day!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


okay so I'm home from Africa! I have been home for like a week! I just haven't had time to get on here! I was supposed to get home Tuesday but didn't get home till Thursday night! What should of been a 30 hour trip turned into over 100 hours!!
I slept in my bed (which has never felt better!) and Friday morning I went straight to She Speaks! Which was awesome. But always something goes wrong there. Like this year LeAnn called Kenzie and wanted a "heart to heart" conversation. She told us that we needed to be setting a good example and that we needed to stop skipping some sessions. So we literally ran down there and went to all the sessions.
After She Speaks Ashleigh came over for a few days! We stayed till Wednesday. We had fun doing everything we missed over the summer. She gave me the cutest present ever when I got back from Africa. It was all these cards and each one had something that reminded her of me while I was gone. For example one was a necklace with my favorite colors on it. Best gift ever!
After she left Wednesday I crashed and slept like the rest of Wednesday till Thursday morning. I then babysat Thursday all day! That was fun to see the kids I missed but also very tiring! While babysitting my mom called and was saying how I got invited to go to the beach with the Whalens. I was so excited. The only think was we were leaving the next day and would be gone for 10 days! I had barely been home for 24 hours at a time and now I was about to be gone for another 10 days!! But I knew this would not be an option again any time soon. So with a big breath I said yes!
Yall have to understand something, I had been gone in Africa for 7 weeks! Then home not even a full day and was gone 4 days. Then home 24 hours without anyone over and gone another 10 days! So I am so tired beyond belief but having a great time! I just think after this trip I am going to become a hermit and sleep for the rest of this year! :)
On top of all that I just found out one of my best friends at school isn't coming back. This still hasn't fully set in with me yet. But I know its going to suck once school starts! I'm secretly praying her parents change their minds and send her to ACA! haha :)
Oh and by the way guess what happened to my phone? I mean honestly I was ticked off! My phone was in the beach bag and someone put a coke bottle not fully closed and it spilled all over my phone. So guess what happened... Its broken!
B- Broken
R- R.I.P
O- Off to phone heaven
K- really.. cant think of a "k" :)
E- Even though I was so good with it
N- Never again.
Yes people I just did an Acrostic. Dont hate. Just a way of laying out my anger!
With all that said we are getting ready and about to go have some Sea Food! yummy! So excited knowing we are swimming with what we are about to eat. :/

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


3 months, 2 1/2 months, 2 weeks, 1 week, 5 days, 4 days, 3 days.... 3 DAYS till I leave! Wow! I am a bucket of emotion right now! I am so excited beyond words.. but I am so nervous. I am sad, torn, giddy, scared, happy, nervous, excited, timid, worried. Once I get there I hope all my emotions boil down to one thing, Ready! Ready to work my hardest to please God. Ready to serve as much as my body will allow. Ready to hold those precious babies in my arms. Ready to give my heart and soul to these people for 6 weeks! I am praying that my nervous will decease. God is my provider and He will protect me. He has helped me this far and so I'm positive he will help me this leg of the race.

Monday, June 8, 2009

End of year ceremony!

Friday night was a great night! I got all dressed up and went to my school for the annual end of year ceremony! Every year there is one but usually I hate going and they are so boring! But this year it was different. I mean yes, I hated to get up on stage and recite all the stuff we had to memorize. But other then that it was the best one yet! Me and Carrie laughed so hard about random things throughout it, I got pictures with all my friends, I got to hug my teacher whom I probably never see again, and I got to have an overall great night! I will miss everyone so much over the summer. I just pray that when I get back all my friendships will still remain with all my best friends. I leave in 7 days!! I am extremely nervous and excited! I love change and hate it! I love new places and meeting new people. But I'm scared to leave and everything changes at home, or that something will go wrong. I just need to keep my head straight and not listen to Satan as he will try to frighten me. I have gotten most of my shopping done for the trip! Which is a huge burden taken off of me! Now I am just relaxing and taking deep breaths as I get ready for a CRAZY week ahead of me!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Beginnings and Endings

Endings to me are the hardest things. I love beginnings when I choose them, but those always come with an end that I didn't choose. Why can't all the beginnings come with an end i love? Because for that to happen it would have to be the worst beginning.
August 25 rolled around. BEGINNING of school. I struggled with girl problems and boy problems. I found my true friends and my worst enemies. I finally found who I am as a person. I loved school. I hated school. How could I feel two complete different things about the same subject? I will never be able to describe the feelings of hurt or love that I have experienced this year.
June 3rd came. ENDING of school. How can I hate the beginning of school and the end of it? I miss those who I will probably never see again. I am torn into picking a school for next year. I want everything to just go back to how it was. The drama sucked. But I always had something to talk about because of it. The boys were jerks. But I always went back to them. Grades dropped. But somehow I still got a great report card.
You see, my mind is a big mash of all sorts of mixed feelings. I feel like someone mashed my head into thousands of pieces and they all somehow relate. Only I can navigate around the beginnings and endings in my head.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Not a princess with pearls moment!

Yesterday I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner. I was so excited since I have no been able to see her in a while. I got all ready. I even had a cute outfit on! I was getting ready to walk out the door when I heard, " Hope did you clean your room?" Oh my , Oh my I TOTALLY forgot my mom had said I needed to clean it before I left. I ran upstairs ( and I don't mean a bunny running away from its master, I mean a Stallion galloping!) I was panicking! I grabbed ALL of my clothes strewn all over the place! I turn the nob of my closet and stuffed them in. My closet doors wouldn't let me close them. They can we so stubborn sometimes! Right then, I heard my moms high heels clacking up to my room. "Oh my gosh! I didn't actually think she would look at my room." I said to myself. Sure enough the first place she looked was my closet! With one look she said, "your not going!" Ahh I was so angry! I slammed every door in my path, yelled at my mom and even told my sister to get out of my life.
Ha now looking at it I should of not gotten that mad! It was just dinner with a friend.
This was definitely not a princess and pearls moment! But since I couldn't go I made other things to do. Like clean my closet, and get all caught up on all my tv shows I follow. It turned out to be a relaxing and calm night!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Predestination and Freewill!

Today in Bible class we talked about predestination and freewill. I did know some about each subject but after today I have a pretty good concept on both. I am not on one side. I do believe us as Christians we should use the Bible as a guideline for our life's. Therefore, in the Bible both predestination and freewill are brought up.
Predestination: "I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill the scripture: 'He who shares my bread has lifted up his heel against me." John 13:18
Freewill:The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life. Rev 22:17

See! Both are mentioned in the Bible! I kind of look at it as if these two were on a scale. Both weighing the same amount. So what side would the scale lean towards? Neither! It would stay in the middle. This is how I feel. I do believe Jesus came down to earth to die on the cross for us to be able to accept him and live eternity in Heaven. But I also believe God knows EVERYTHING before we are born. He knows who we will marry, he knows how long we will live, he knows how many times we will sin, he knows where we will be on a certain date. God is all knowing!

I LOVE talking about this subject! It makes me giddy and excited!
Have a GREAT Wednesday yall!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Have you ever been so hurt that you just want to leave forever? Like I'm not talking about one of your girlfriends ignoring you all day... I'm talking about when a guy leads you on and then the next night you find him making out with another girl. And you know what's even worse? When your brother encouraged it all along.

It's bad to loose your towel when your eyes are
full of soap, but it's worse to loose a guy
when your heart is full of hope

This quote is one I found. I love it because its just how I felt and feel. I thought we had potential and now I feel broken, unworthy, nothing.
When you have been hurt so many times you feel like something major is wrong with you. As if your not good enough, or like a speck of sand. "What is wrong with me, that he chose her over me?" I keep asking myself! I am ready to quit this boyfriend and girlfriend thing... I am ready to find a man who will love me when at my worst! He will love me for who I am, and not for how I look. He will treat me as if I was the most precious diamond of them all! He will be by my side till the day I die. Through good days and even bad days he will squeeze my hand and never let go. When coming home from a long day at work he will hold me and tell me I am his everything. That is the day that I will love again!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sunday, May 17, 2009

It came easily,
Left abruptly,
Whirlwind of jitters,
Whipping in and out,
Only to leave the thought,
"Am I good enough?"
You tell yourself,
As in the day you say "I do"
Walking down that isle,
All your unsettle thoughts scurrying,
Leaving that one man,
With the words of,
"I love you!"

This past weekend has been a crazy one! Ashleigh came over on Friday and we stayed up till 4 a.m hanging out with Dexter, Jackson, and Mark! It was so fun! Saturday we woke up early and all of us went out to breakfast! Me and Ashleigh came home and got ready to go to a Graduation that my dad spoke at (yes, I decided to go and support him!). He actually did really well! Today has not been a good day. Lets just say I think teenage love is a waste! I let myself fall in this position where I am liking a guy and I only set myself up for a let down. Boys are stupid but so awesome. I know I am contradicting myself... But its just hard. I love them and hate them all in one. I wish boys got girls feelings, I wished they cared more, I wish they realized how we get hurt easily! I guess thats just a huge difference between boys and girls! :(
Well I am off to do more studying... I have a HUGE exam tomorrow! I am so NOT ready! haha. Ok goodnight!
Here comes just another Monday!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Thursday May 14, 2009

Hey yall! Wow its been like 2 -3 weeks since I have been on! Insane! Let me tell you about what's going on in my life right:
Well about 2 weeks ago Chelsea, my dog, got hit by a car (yes, this will be her SECOND time people!!). I was telling my grandma about this and she quickly responded, " wow! Its like a cat with 10 life's." I don't know if she got the part about it being my dog or if she got the fact that Chelsea has never died?! I guess thats just how G-ma's roll.
Last weekend was amazing! Amazing - definition: surprised, greatly filled with astonishment. Well I can tell you thats just how I felt when I heard my Nonnie was coming in town! Nonnie - definition: My mom's mom :)
You see Nonnie NEVER comes to visit us. And if she does, its a 2 hour layover. I mean We were surprised! We had a fun packed weekend with going to Greenville to visit my aunt and uncle, to shopping all day on Saturday, to eating at the Cheesecake Factory! This was one weekend I will not forget!
This past week on the other hand... lets just say I want to forget Monday. Boy, was it a STRESSFUL day! We had to memorize a monologue from Shakespeare and recite it to our class. I had the hardest time memorizing it. I mean unless thy, hast, woo, and thou come back in our everyday conversations.. I do think this assignment was pointless. But I am not the teacher so I can't make that decision. By the way, I got a 91 on reciting it. :)
I am looking forward to this weekend with Ashleigh Whalen coming over, and Jackson's prom! Oh, and my dad is doing a graduation. He asked me to come when I said, " Dad, honestly I wouldn't be much of support. I think I would have to hold back laughing with you having no clue what your doing." Yup, this sentence didn't help. Thanks to my dad who commits to everything... I will be attending a graduation this Saturday... yay! (did you catch the sarcasm?)
With all this said... Good Thursday everyone!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tuesday April 28, 09

Yes, I have decided to give in and do one of these face book surveys. But I am doing it on here not on face book. So here goes nothing:

1 - Have you ever been asked out?

2 - Where was your default picture taken?
at the Oprah tapping.

3 - What is your middle name?

4 - Your current relationship status?

5 - Does your crush like you back?
I have no idea to tell you the truth.

6 - What is your current mood?
happy! I am about to go workout and it makes me in such a good mood!

8 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Blue. But my teacher today didn't agree. haha

9 - Missing something?
o gosh yes. I loose stuff so easily!

10 - If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
All of my embarrassing moments!!

11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what and why?
A fly on the wall.. so i could listen to everyones conversations! I get really curious!

12 - Ever had a near death experience?
Yup twice. Once when I was in a motorcycle accident and once when I was thrown off a horse.

13 - Something you do a lot?

14 - The song stuck in your head?
"I like big butts and I cannot lie" Dont ask me why because i have NO idea! haha

15 - Who did you copy and paste this from?

16 - Name someone who has the same birthday as you
Whitney and my cousin

17 - When was the last time you cried?
Today when Eden and I saw this lady trying to talk to someone that speaks a different language. It was soo funny! I was laughing so hard that i cried.

18 - Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
yup.. but with people

19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
read minds.

20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
If they are hott or not. I know thats not the best thing to notice but I am a teenage girl.. what do you expect?

21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
i like a lot there! But this new thing that has naked in it. (naked is my all time favorite drink! Its like a smoothie!!)

22 - What's your biggest secret?
Yea I am not telling on here!

23 - Favorite color?
Lime green, sky blue

24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Both. When i am babysitting I watch kids shows. When I am home i watch regular shows.

25 - What's on your walls?
Paint and picture frames!

26 - What are you?
I don't really get what your asking.. I am a girl.

27 - Do you speak any other language?
LITTLE bit of Spanish.

28 - What's your favorite smell?
Food! Flowers! Good smelling perfume!

29 - Describe your life in one word?
Um.. yea kinda hard.. but i would say exciting!

30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?

31 - What are you thinking about right now?
About how this is soo long!

33 - What should you be doing?

34 - Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
I dont really know.

35 - How often do you talk to God?
not as often as i should.

36 - Do you like working in the yard?
Heck no. Except I did like when me and carrie planted flowers together a long time ago!

37 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
A really cool one!

38- Who do you want to talk to?

39 - What is your natural hair color?

40 - What was the last thing to make you cry?
Well the that girl that spoke a different language... I was seriously laughing soo hard!

Well yay! I did it! I am off to work out now! I really want to get in shape before swimsuit season :)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wednesday April 22, 2009

Hey! Good Morning!
This week has been a pretty good week... The only thing that wasn't good was waking up Monday morning! I was on spring break last week so when Monday rolled around I just couldn't get myself out of bed. I pressed snoozed at least 3 times! It's weird because Sunday night and Monday night I tried to go to bed on a decent time so I could wake up. Those mornings it was very hard! Then last night I went to bed very late and this morning it was easy to wake up. So yea I don't know why that is. But I am not complaining because I love to stay up all hours of the night! I wouldn't have to worry about all of this if I was on spring break... :(
Today I'm off for yet another day scurrying through the halls of high school, worrying about homework, and trying to keep the drama away! Whew.. This will not be an easy day.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thursday April 9, 2009

Guess what my day consisted of?! Ok here is the play by play:
1. Alarm went off (you know how in those cartoons when the alarm is jumping side to side when ringing.. yep thats how mine was!!)
2. Check my facebook. (this is a must!)
3. Pull my body out of bed and get ready!!
4. Wash Ashley's sheets (this is because i have been sleeping with her).
5. Leave!... and guess where we go?! To be on the Oprah show! No I'm not making this up! We drive 30 min away... and no i don't live in Chicago we did it over satellite! When we got there they made sure everyone was looking good and put us on with Oprah. It was very nerve-wracking but we overcame it! I stood beside my mom for nearly 2 hours without sitting down. I swear if It went any longer i would have died. Wow. I can imagine it now.. Hope TerKeurst died while being on Oprah! haha. What a death.
Some of you may be wondering why we went on the Oprah show when we disagree with her religion. Well in the Bible it does not say sit at home and talk only among Christians. No it says go out and teach others about Christ. So today was a teaching experience we had with Oprah. She may not go home and become a Christian right away. But i truly believe God made this happen for a great reason! We may never know what that reason is, but i know there is one
6. Finally we came home and packing to leave again and go to Florida! We are going to my Grandparents house! How fun! .I cant wait!


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Wednesday April 1, 2009

Happy April Fools day!
Today was full of pranks and laughter! First the girls put tampons and pads ALL over the guys bathroom. So to get the girls back, the boys saran rapped our toilet and rubbed grease all over the toilet seat! And someone actually peed!! How embarrassing! After school I had my best friend come over and we played the wii! So much funn! We then fueled up our bodies by eating some Chick-fil-a! Always a favorite! Today was defiantly a high on the chart of "good days"! To top it all off... NO HOMEWORK this week! WOHOO!! This week is show week at my school. Everyone in the play is stressed out to the max. So because of that they enforced no homework this week! Which is always a great break to have! :)
With all that said I need to finish up some laundry and clean my tornado like room! ugg!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

March 31, 2009

Hey yall!
Since tons of people read my blog :) I just want to say, "I AM SOO SORRY!" I have like neglected my poor blog. But I know I'm forgiven.
Ok great now since thats over I would love to move on. Lets talk about what's going on right now in the TerKeurst home...
Well right now I'm sitting in Ashley's bed watching champ (my dog) tear up the bed. I mean does a dog have to dig a hole in the bed to find the "right spot" to sleep. I mean since when do dogs sleep inside in a humans bed?! I have to admit he does keep me warm and cuddles with me when i have no one to turn to. But I always have to remind myself he is just a dog!

Then we have my family downstairs watching american idol. I would be down there but I do get bored of that show. My brothers are off, of course! I mean Jackson is graduating and he is always gone! It makes me so mad because I'm going to be gone almost all summer. Oh yea, guess what?! Instead of moving to Ethiopia (if you didn't know.. Ethiopia is in Africa) we are going for like 6 weeks!! I am so beyond excited! Before Ethiopia we might be going on a safari in Kenya! How cool! I mean what's cooler then that people?!
Johanna (my friend who i am going with to africa) is getting a blog :) and she doesn't even know it. I can't wait. I have like nobody on my blog roll :(. So I can add here! yay!
Ok well i am going to head out. My friend Jo needs my URL! How awesome?! I have my OWN URL!! Wow!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Friday Jan. 16. 09

Hey! Ok so guess what?! I might be able to move to Ethiopia! It has been my dream to go to africa and so now i have this chance! I cant wait! Jo, one of my bff's, is moving there and her family invited me! Its not for sure.. but if i do it will be in the summer!
I dont know how im going to tell my friends. they are going to be very upset... especially madison. I mean i feel bad about leaving her.. but this is my dream! and i need to live for the Lord not for men. So if God is asking me to do this than i need to do it! I just hope this is what God wants me to do! Yes, im going to miss my family and friends.. but me and JO already came up with that i will come back at thanksgiving and on my birthday! Ok well i have to go do my hw! byee