Friday, November 26, 2010


Since Thanksgiving was yesterday I thought I would mention some things I was thankful for this year.
-My family. We have been through so much in the past few years and somehow still stay grounded. We will always be there for each other and I love that about my family.
-My friends. I have some of the most awesome,loving friends ever.
-My dogs :) I am so glad my dogs are healthy and still alive. haha
-My school. I do not know what I would do without my small school. Call it what you want, I love it.
-Chick-fil-A. Seriously I would die without it. I may be skinnier without it but my taste buds would be in shock if i stopped eating it. haha
-Being a Bama fan! I am so glad my favorite football team is good.
-I am thankful I am saved by Gods grace. I need tons of grace.
-I am thankful for my extended family. They are so funny and full of life. I feel refreshed when I am around them.

(me and my cousin)

These are just a few things I am thankful for. I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving :)

Friday, October 29, 2010

"A broken heart is a heart that has felt love."

Why do all my best guy friends like me and the one guy I like doesn't like me.
Honestly I'm scared to loose one of my guy friends so I don't want to go any farther than being best friends with them. Another part of me is just scared. Scared to get heartbroken. I haven't healed from the last heartbreak so how could I go through another. I feel like I'm giving up on a lot of awesome guys right now because of what one boy did to my heart. I'm scared to hang out with guys one on one because I feel like I will like them and then we all know what that turns into...boy and girl meet. girl falls in love with boy. boy breaks girls heart. boy moves on.
Every time a boy ask me to go out with them I deny saying I "already had plans". But really I'm just giving up before I even gave it a chance. Maybe its because the only love I know of is where I held on and that boy crushed my already shattered heart. I say I felt love. But I sure hope when I am truly in love it will make this teenage love seem petty wimpy. I pray everyday I find that one love. That one love that will crush all these heartbreaks and I will never once remember them. That one love that will last more than a couple months. That one love that will be mutual and not me just being put down time and time again. And finally that one love that everyone lives for. We all long to be loved. If I have to deal with these heartbreaks now I hope its all worth it when I'm standing next to my true love saying the words, "I do".

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

One Mistake Leads to Two

I wrote this for school and thought I would just post it on here. Its not edited so don't judge ;)

It was a bright sunny day in Saint Johns, Michigan. The trees were standing tall and waving back and forth like they were saying hello to anyone who cared to look. The flowers were fully bloomed with colorful petals. A rainbow stretched from as far as you can see to mark the rains just minutes before.
In the middle of all this beauty was a tall building with the letters “CMS” plastered to the brick wall. Many people were there for traumatic wounds. But Katie was there for a small task with a traumatic sound. Pregnancy test. Two words that mean so much to so many different people. It can be a joyful time for married couples wanting to start or expand their family. But, it can also be a lonely time for girls who have no one celebrating the news with them. For Katie it was a miserable time. She dreaded getting up that day. For she knew she would have to face reality like a fight in a cage. There is no way getting around this one, Katie thought as the nurse called her back into a room. “The first room to your left,” the nurse said quietly. Katie’s legs felt heavy as if she had bricks hanging from her feet. She slapped each foot down recounting every mistake she’d ever made. She entered the room where the nurse told her to get on the chair and wait for the doctor.
Lots of tears and begging to get rid of “it” consumed her next couple of days. Katie stayed in her room and cried out to God for mercy. “What have I done to deserve this?” Katie screamed. No one knew why Katie was so angry and upset. She just told her family that her boyfriend had broken up with her. Which was true when he found out he was going to be a dad. If only the family knew the extent of the whole story.
Katie was a gregarious person. She loved to be the center of attention anywhere she went. Her idyllic personality and beauty struck out to boys. Her thick, brown, luscious hair stretched down to her mid chest. Her eyes shined with a sparkle. The color of her hair and eyes matched. Her checks were a rosy pink color, which highlighted her facial structure. She never failed to dress to perfection. Her outfits were so well designed that she would be getting compliments left and right. Her makeup was always without smears and somehow her eyeliner never faded. Katie was a gorgeous girl. It’s no wonder why boys liked her the second they met her. Katie was always good about standing her ground and not giving in. Greg just had a way of getting around that. Katie’s love for church stuck out to Greg. Greg was a friend of Katie’s who was falling in love with her more and more as the weeks passed. Katie would play with his little heart not knowing how much he really cared about her. Katie would take Greg to church with her and introduce him to all her Christian friends. Greg had just accepted Christ and was now trying to start life over and live it for Christ and Christ alone. As the weeks passed on Katie and Greg became closer and closer. Finally Greg asked Katie if she would like to be his girlfriend and she accepted. They were two peas in a pod. Never leaving each other’s side and always going places together. Greg ended up being the father of Katie’s baby. No matter how many boundaries Katie set she always was willing to break them for Greg. Nothing was about to get between them. That is until she became pregnant.
The day finally came when Katie knew she had to tell her family. There really wouldn’t ever be a good time to tell her family this news. However, since all her family was in town, she figured this would the best time to get it all out in the open with everyone. Her sister and her sister’s husband and kids, Katie’s brother, and Katie’s parents were all gathered for her niece’s birthday. The whole family played some games, ate a big feast and opened many gifts. Katie was doing a good job of faking her smile until her sister joked about Katie gaining a few pounds from the big feast that they had just shared. Katie lost it right then and there in front of everyone. She lost control of her emotions and allowed them to take over. She felt her body falling and everything in the room went black.
“Katie you there?
Katie wake up.
You’re scaring us Katie.”
Yelled her family. Her family members were hovering over her while she was sprawled on the floor unconscious. Katie sat up not knowing anything that just happened. Panicked, Katie ran to call the doctor. She didn’t know if her passing out would affect the baby in any way. Her family over heard her talking to the doctor and all of them were in such shock the rest of the night was silent. Katie wept at the thought of all of her family’s condemning thoughts going through their heads.
Katie pulled out her journal and let the words flow as freely as the tears slipping down her cheeks:
It’s funny how big things often start so small.
Oak trees start as acorns.
Debt starts with one purchase outside the budget.
Books start with that first word.
Fires start with a spark. The spark that started this raging fire in my life seemed so innocent. One mistake led to two, which led to things just going too far.
How could I have been so stupid?
Why couldn’t I see these consequences before it was too late?
I am smarter than this. I knew better. And now everything is crashing down on me. This isn’t a mistake I can keep hidden. Everyone will know. And my life will never be the same.
What about my dreams?
What about college?
What about my fairy tale wedding?
This is a very high price to pay for some dumb choices made by a girl in love. Love… what a crazy word to use in this situation. I wasn’t in love. I was entangled in lies. They were small lies that blossomed into a situation choking the very life out of me. Journaling became Katie’s comfort. Anytime something happened good or bad she wrote it down in her journal. This was no exception.
Katie and Greg knew right away they would keep this baby. There was never even a thought of giving the baby up or aborting it. Thankfully Katie babysat enough times to know how to take care of kids. She was thankful for all those times given to her to practice for this huge milestone about to happen. It wasn’t that Katie was worried about how to take care of this baby but the fact that she was so young and new to life. How could she bring a new life in this world when she hasn’t done hardly anything in hers?
Katie decided it would be best if she moved in with her grandma while she was pregnant. Just to get away from all the people she would see on a daily basis. Another plus was that her grandma was down the road from where Katie was about to attend Cosmetology school. This baby was not going to stop her from living her life to its fullest. School would help keep Katie busy and on track with her life.

It has been almost 8 months into Katie’s pregnancy. She is as big as a fully blown up balloon, if not bigger. She still remains at her grandmas though she wishes to move back into her parent’s house as soon as the baby is born. Katie has lost many friends but gained so many more. Support is something Katie gained out of this whole situation. She had an endless supply from anyone who saw her cute pregnant self. She was excited to announce the sex of the baby to all of her friends and family. Not a dry eye was in the house when she let out the words, “It’s a girl”!
It has been a hard journey for Katie but she finally came to the realization that she must keep going. She is now responsible for not just herself but another human inside her. Life will never be the same as it was. She finally forgave herself for all her worldly mistakes and has decided to live her life doing everything as if she was doing it for God. Greg no longer was apart of Katie’s life and doesn’t plan on helping with his daughter. But not only will this little girl have Katie’s dad for a daddy figure she will also have her heavenly father.
February 7th was the day that Katie went into labor. It was a long, hard day. Lots of machines beeping and buzzing. People coming in and out of the room just like little hurried ants on a mission. But in the end it was a joyful time. Katie’s family came together and celebrated everything they had been through and the many years to come with this little bundle of joy. Katie took one look at her daughter and said, “Welcome in this world Adele’ Hope”. And with that her life began as Adele’s mommy.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I don't know what I would do without you!

I decided to dedicate this post to one of my very best friends.
I can’t express to you how grateful I am for you. We have been through a ton in the past 7 years. We have been best of friends all the way to worst of enemies. Through all of that we have come out and become mature and open with each other. We don’t hide stuff from each other and we definitely don’t gossip about each other. I love that I can come to you for anything and everything. If something happens you are the first person I would call. You make it easy to love you by being so kind and true to me. I honestly have nothing against you and can’t think of why I would.
You look for the little ways to bless me. Like today putting a starbucks coffee in my locker. That seriously made my whole entire day. One little act like that truly shows me how much you love me.
I love your passion for missions. We have this in common. We both love to serve and love to be over seas. We both want to adopt when married from countries that don’t have nearly as much as we do.
I love that you will be there for me no matter what. You always have my back and same goes from me to you. If anyone is messing with you, you know who to tell. ;)
Sisi, you are a gorgeous girl that has so much going for you. Stay true to yourself and never loose sight of what God has in store for you. Keep him your number one above everything/everyone. And finally lets make a promise we will be friends forever. Cause girl you know I’m going to call you in that nursing home 60 years from now begging you to take me out shopping ;)
Thank you for being you.
Love, Me

(Here are some pictures of us throughout the years)

Friday, October 22, 2010

The brother I never got to meet...

Twenty years ago a young, frail girl walked into a building to put to rest the shame of a mistake. She walked in broken expecting to walk out healed. Instead walked out even more broken than before. One mistake led to two which led to being haunted the rest of her life. She would always be known for "that girl" when the category of abortion was brought up.
The girl drove home ashamed of her actions and thinking about ending her life. "I have killed the one thing I should be proud of. So why shouldn't I kill the one thing thats" Thoughts like this were going through her clogged brain. Her eyes too dry to let tears slip out. Her face too white to show her true emotions.
She never forgot about it. Yet, has been healed.

I love you big brother. I think of you often. I can't wait to embrace your hug in heaven.

Cruise :)

Last weekend I went on the trip of a lifetime. My mom got invited to speak on a cruise along with Karen Kingsbury, Angela Thomas, Renee Swope, and many more awesome people.
Holly, my mom, and I all flew down to Ft. Lauderdale Florida on wednesday afternoon. We gathered our luggage and headed to our hotel where we would be staying the night. That next day we all boarded the boat and set sail.
I have to say living on a boat for a weekend is pretty weird. I got sea sick once. But thankfully it was not bad at all. Our boat took us to The Key Islands on friday and Cozumel Mexico on Saturday. Mexico was by far my favorite day. We got to ride horses on the beach and lay out next to the most clear, and gorgeous, blue water I have ever seen.
Coming home was a bit overwhelming after being in Paradise for 6 days.
My mom and I are already planning our next cruise :)

Saturday, July 24, 2010


Last week I was staying at Hillary's house with Hillary and Kenz. Kenz and I were staying there to help Hillary the next morning because she was getting her wisdom teeth taken out. The next morning Hill gets home and is all drugged up. She is totally not herself. Holly (her mom) took her straight to the couch to sit and relax. Kenz and I cooked a huge breakfast for everyone since Holly was busy helping Hill. All of the sudden I felt very dizzy and disconnected from everything that was happening. The next moment I was on the floor and Kenz is slapping me to wake me up. Apparently I passed out and no one could get me to wake up. I was out for 2 minutes!
I still don't know what really caused me to pass out. But everyone thinks its because I was thinking too much about someone who has hurt me really bad. I wish I could say this wasn't true but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I'm embarrassed that someone can make me that sick to pass out. I had the same feeling last night and was really scared that I was going to pass out again. I had to take off work because of it. I need to shake this person off and not let this person effect me in this way. Every time I feel that way I am now just going to pray for that person and pray that this will never happen again.